Children Are Manipulative… How to protect your relationship while Parenting 2
Children Are Manipulative… How to protect your relationship while Parenting 2

Children Are Manipulative… How to protect your relationship while Parenting 2

{11min read}

How to Protect Your Relationship While Parenting pt.II

If you haven’t read it already, part one is just here

There are sooo many areas for children these days to be manipulative.

Ignoring phone locks (or hacking them),

Being in the wrong places at the wrong times,

Misspending the lunch money (read buying lollies on the way to school),

Having a field day with technology (usually on those sleep in days!)

So, what do we do?

What does all of this ever increasing pressure accomplish?

Division and disagreements.

If we are in a partnership we can naturally start to take that other person for granted. I’ve done it, I still do it! And it’s disgusting.
We begin with a ‘little’ division between the adults, and soon that poison grows and seeps out.
From here, it isn’t long until everyone in the house is having problems… with each other.

So, How do we avoid this?

By protecting our relationships as parents.

Anyone who has been in a relationship where children are involved knows that it’s only a matter of time before someone feels ignored and disrespected (by either the child or the partner!)

Here are 5 ideas to get you free of the drama.







– Empathy

We are all in this world together.

Broken People make Broken People.
Broken People Hurt People.
Hurt People Break People.

We all need to chill out and put ourselves in the shoes of another. Every other.

Driving and get cut off, why were they distracted… what’s going on in their life?

Rude sales clerk, who hurt them today?

Mother being a hypocrite… what can’t she face?

Partner forgetting to do something important… firstly, What could I have done to help. Second, why are they struggling at the moment?

Now, let’s think about our children…

How tall are they?

What about strength?



Comprehension of nuance?

I think it’s more than fair to say that we have many maaany advantages over our children.
Putting ourselves in their shoes we should quickly see some ways to mitigate these difference. Minimizing any fear or differences between us and our child.
There’s many ways to do this, and many areas we can bring this skill to. Let’s take discipline as the example.
Perhaps we could get down on their level, or sit on the ground while discussing punishment.
This creates a relaxed environment and I believe was a big secret to the success I had with my step daughter.

One weekend we had enough of the lying and manipulation of situations. This was the first time disciplining her as a couple and we were honestly a little timid with it, trying to avoid confronting the issue. When we finally address the issues she just happened to be sitting on the couch, so we naturally ended up lower on the ground to all be able to have good eye contact.
It seems to me that having that little power discrepancy sorted (height), that is not having someone tower over you while telling you off, started us on a solid foundation moving forward. Almost as if that cushioning, removing that obstacle, allowed for trust to be grown extremely quickly.

This can be the same with tone and volume of voice. I find it much more effective speaking quietly and leaning back a little. This almost draws the listener in. They lean forward, inching closer to hear a little better, to connect. The advantage of this when parenting is that it can be an easy way to force ourselves to work on our tone and ensuring we are connecting with and disciplining our children, as opposed to punishing and scolding them with our words.

There are countless way that you could show and share empathy with your children. Click the button here and let us know in the comments what you have done to bring empathy to your parenting!


– Love vs Respect (Heart vs Head)

As we navigate our days, I believe we all slip between these different forms of communication
First of all. This idea is stolen from Garrain Jones, specifically during this podcast.
(massive paraphrase of a huge idea ahead)

We can communicate through either our head, or our heart.

Think about it.
Conversations can stall
Feelings get hurt
You say, well you think you say what you mean clearly.
You… You thought you understood what was just said, why are people mad now?

What if some of these situations were completely avoidable if you just understood one simple idea?

Head: Knowledge, Logic, Reasoning, Objective (hopefully), Bigger Picture (typically)
Heart: Feelings, Subjective, Emotional Wording, Venting, Need to be Heard (on a deep level)

Sometimes we can begin a conversation in our head, like let’s take a tough day at work. We state the facts and lay out why what Sally did was wrong (head). But sally was a total cow and wouldn’t shut up and I was thinking about what I am going to home to with little m…. (heart). Slipping from one way of thinking, speaking and feeling, to another in barely two sentences.

When someone else is communicating it’s even more important to pick up where it is they are speaking from. If someone is in their heart, speaking about feelings and hurt typically, and we notice it and are in our head mode, fix problems and think about the long term typically, then we are both going to end frustrated and hurt. So I feel it’s our duty, whenever we notice this issue to change modes. To flip from head to heart or vice versa, keeping our partner or whomever we are talking to comfortable and open. That is where relationships grow, and people change for the better. Secure, safe, open, raw communication. Mode to mode, heart to heart mode, head to head mode.

Another reason this communication strategy is so effective in our relationships, is that it also grows deep levels of mutual respect.

– Gotta give it, to get it. (even in love)

Speaking to the level of emotions the other person is currently going through and speaking from (head vs heart) shows respect on an extremely deep level. Allowing the other to feel completely heard and understood. It’s almost as if you are speaking directly to their soul (as woo-woo as that sounds…).

At the end of the day, true love is really just about respect. Hearing and giving respect.
Another fact is that we can all feel that respect in different ways. To keep going, A Lot Of Us Are Broken.
Broken people can reject the respect, it could feel like the abuse they received or a way they have been manipulated in the past.
Maybe someone used respect as a way to control and coerce, gaslighting and playing the saviour continually. Causing honest and real respect to feel scary and wrong.

Some people are conditioned to think that accepting respect is bad and obnoxious, others may feel it is weak to show it (or be too broken and scared to show any ‘weaknesses’).

Whereever the brokenness came from, we all have it in some way. This will block how we show or feel respect in every part of our lives. Working on ourselves can improve that, but this is about our partners. Here are some ways to look out for and respect your partner:

Notice things, even if you need to make a list. I’ve had list on my phone since I start talking to my partner! (They continually give me ideas and tips I had forgotten)

LISTEN. Rephrase and repeat what they have said in your own words to ensure you are both hearing the same message, and working together. There are many other great ways to improve connection and conversation. No matter how introverted or shy you are! My favourite channel for this is Charisma on Command.

Remove distractions and choose your timing. Stop doing those mindless things. No phone checks while spending time together, full attention, when it’s serious (to them) drop eeeverything for as long as you can, just be nice really. Add considerate and you’re nailing this!

Ask the question. Don’t just make assumptions, and if you do need to make presumptions be sure to talk about it afterward. Clarify important things after you discuss them. Just ask questions all the time to make them talk, you’ll both learn a lot and grow together 🙂

Be Open & Honest. To the point of brutal with your partner even! Just watch the ton, and remain respectful in the delivery. Giving your partner all of the information (in appropriate ways and with empathy & kindness!) is a massive sign of respect.

Checking In. Does life suck sometimes? Then let’s make sure our partner’s know someone has their back. Simply asking how their days is, even a few times a day. Checking that everything’s okay when things get stressful. Lending a shoulder to cry on. Just get your partner opening up, and show that you’re here for every part of them. Good, Bad, Ugly, Great. {Remind them of the great 😉 }

Reminding your partner of the good also helps them to improve in areas they want to change!


“The greatest discovery of all time is that a person can change his future by merely changing his attitude”

~ Oprah Winfrey

If we are in these relationships for the long haul, and with children we should be, then we are naturally going to change together. Nothing stays the same. It is constantly improving or degrading.
That’s what makes growing together cute as hell!

– Growing together is cute as hell.

Deciding, as a couple, to just improve ourselves, to get more skills, to earn more money, to understand ourselves and our emotions more… BETTER YET, Being able to SHARE that journey, to explain the amazing life changing lessons to each other.
To see each other become free.
Watching someone’s chains unlock, and their true selves, the deepest darkest most real raw and hidden protected private parts become the front and centre. To watch someone become THEMSELVES. That is special, and cute as hell.

That type of bond is lasting. It is generation changing. It is literally a change the world attitude.
Working on ourselves improves our parenting. Removing blockages, programmed and learnt reactions, hurt from our upbringing, past trauma, the litany of insecurities… It changes the future of our surnames. It frees our blood lines.

Sounds crazy, research the wealthy families and where some of them are now. Dig in to why some of these obnoxiously wealthy people have ended up with poor future family members. From billions to holes in shoes type stuff.

Here’s an interesting quote…
““My grandfather walked 10 miles to work everyday, My father walked 5 miles, I’m driving a Cadillac, My son is in a Mercedes, My grandson will be in a Ferrari, But my great grandson will be walking again….”

“Do you want to know why?”


Tough Times create Strong Men Strong Men create Easy Times Easy Times create Weak Men Weak Men create Tough Times””

What we go through today informs our futures.
Grow with your partner, through and in the bad, and that bond will only get stronger.

– Be the old couple making out at sea world!

With a solid foundation and growing together, you are building bonds to hold your relationship together for the long term. You will be creating the type of family that gives back to the community, because this type of love and security can’t help but overflow. Even on holidays…

I remember someone saying once that their relationship goal was to
“Be the old couple making out at sea world”
What an amazing goal !

But how do we get there?
First of all, deciding that the idea is cute.

Then let’s more that to “I want to be part of that old couple”, that sounds like more determined speaking.

How about now we start to picture our relationship. We visualise what it would be like to be in this couple at sea world, ignoring the stares, completely wrap up in your partner at what, 80 years old. All of the years of struggle and winning and children and who knows what else.
THIS type of thinking will change our day to day.

Spend some time, invest some time in your relationship. Just sit there and think about the good things, the future, dream up what it will be like in 30, 40, 50+ years.
Day dream about all of the wins and losses, cute moments, heart break.

By putting in the time dreaming up where you want to be it will become easier to do the day to day things that we don’t want to.

We are deciding now that we want our relationship moving in this direction, so all of the little things that cut away from that dream will begin to highlight themselves (if you just pay attention)!
Those words designed to cut, putting in minimal (read no) effort, ignorance, white lies, not communicating, using excuses… Habits like this will be able to change with minimal effort.

I feel like even in this post my communication has moved.

Starting more factual, getting more “woo-woo”

Then ending emotional and from the heart.

Figure out how you best communicate, and just look for head vs heart as you go about the day.
You’ll be surprised where it shows up!

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